i feel bad..

My grandad passed away yesterday...i was neva close to him but i feel bad cuz i did not get the chance to meet him 4 the last time...its not tat i dun wanna meet him..its juz tat he lives in indonesia n how the heck am i going to go there myself...now my relatives on my mom side are angry at me 4 nt visitin them 4 so long...juz wanna tell them tat i still regard them as my family although my mom passed away...im still angry at my grandma though...she's the reason my mom's dead...i hate her!!!dun think at i'll forgive u...mayb everybody else forgive u but nt me...i dunno why but i juz feel lost these days...i miss my mom like crazy n life isn't tat great..im beginning 2 drift away from my frens n neva contact them 4 a long time...i juz feel like staying at home n reflect on myself cuz apparently some people dun like me n tat making me feel shitty everytime im in skool...to my frens...sorie 4 not hanging out wif u guys anymore...i juz wanna be alone at the moment...i feel like going to the esplanade alone 2morrow...the scenery there is calming...but then very weird seh go there alone...weekdays somemore...sure no people...haiz... lyfe juz sux...